Friday

Well, it's Friday now and the kids have all gone home (as have most of the teachers), so I can finally settle down in some as yet uncluttered corner of my classroom and tell the untold millions who live by my blog (you) what it's like to be Sarah Dunn on a Friday afternoon.

It isn't pretty.

Periodically, I have nightmares where nobody can hear me. Usually I'm trying to teach my students something, and we never get past the come-in-and-sit-down part because no one is listening to me. I yell, and cajole, and threaten, and do all the things a good teacher would never do, but all to no avail. Terrible things happen, and I suffer the dual agonies of being both responsible for the safety and education of my students and powerless to effect either. Although it probably wasn't as bad as all that, today left me feeling like I do during those nightmares. 'The worst part?' you ask. I'll tell you. The worst part is that all the frustrated passion that would be poured into my making music with kids piles up inside me, creating a paralyzing well of anger and confusion, so that to prevent myself from destroying the next student who breathes wrong, I stop disciplining. Period. And then I'm haunted by the haggard looks of the students who actually do care about the class, and must suffer through excruciating chaos because their ridiculous teacher has lost the ability to communicate rationally. I'm so sorry, my bandlings! You deserve better.

On a much brighter note, I realized yesterday morning that I'm going to heaven. And then I realized that heaven is probably better than being married and having kids! So even if I kick the bucket before Mr. Intheblank (I call him Phil) happens to discover the missing half of his soul (me), it only means I get to see God (!!!) that much sooner. So what the heck have I been moping about? This isn't a points system. The deal was sealed when I chose this road. I'm in. He wants me, the uptight little bird who secretly hopes that playing it safe and looking righteous will pay off in the end. Huh. Fancy that. And not only that, but God thinks it's worth it to use me. Wrap your head around that one, Kyle! (That's what I call myself.)* So I guess I can trust Him that my middle-schoolers and I will find our way out of this mess without killing each other.

Well now, I think that calls for no little celebration.
How about sushi and a movie?
You're a genius, Kyle!

*For those of you who are familiar with the tv show Boy Meets World, there's this part where the older brother Eric is explaining something to his parents, and he goes "...So I said to myself: Kyle..."
parents look confused,
"...That's what I call myself."
audience laughs
Get it?